Affirmations

A few months ago, I went home to Mississippi for my step-father's funeral. My family stayed with my grandmother and I was telling her about our suspicions of dyslexia in our second child. I was telling her about the reading specialist that I had spoken to and what steps we were taking to address the concerns. She told me how glad she was that I was able to homeschool them and spend the needed time to help them learn well. I'm not sure that she was always whole-hearted supporter of the homeschooling idea in our extended family so it meant a lot to me that she was affirming our decision.

 Shortly after, we decided that I didn't have the ability to take on homemaking, five kids and homeschooling. So when I saw her again at my son's birthday party, I was updating her on how neat their school was and how well the boys were doing. She beamed and told me what a great decision I had made and how homeschooling really was a huge task to take on with five kids. At first, I wondered what decision she thought was better. But then I realized that it didn't matter. She was affirming ME, her granddaughter and not my decisions. My decisions are mine. She didn't need to use them to tear me down. Whatever I chose, she could be an encouragement in this hard job of motherhood.

Affirmers are rare and I am lucky to have one. People mean well but they often whether meaning to or not, tear down a person with their efforts to set-them-straight. I think many of us have the scars of someone who allowed our decisions to build a wall between us. Those negative voices in our head can go on for years.

So do I affirm my children enough? Probably not. Since having my fifth child, I am figuring out that motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Frankly, I have no clue how people do it without faith. You have to have strength from something bigger than yourself to take on this job. I have six things going on in my head all the time that need to be done right away. And then when those things are done, there are six more to be done. It gives me that hamster-in-a-wheel feeling because I work hard each day and it's all to be done again in a few hours.

It can be quite depressing but then again, I have a purpose for every single day. A great purpose! To raise these beautiful children to love God and show Him to the world through their words and deeds. But still with all the to-do's in my head, I am afraid that I spend more time issuing instructions (Do your homework, Get a snack, Drink your water, Do your chores, Find your shoes, Did you remember to do _____?) rather than affirming who they are.

With our system of High Five medals, it's giving me the opportunity to think more about affirmations. One day, James got 16 High Five medals. That was 16 times to say, "You did good!" I am trying to be very specific in how I affirm them.

"That was very thoughtful of you to take out the trash."

"You were such a great brother to tend to your sibling."

"I appreciate how quickly you responded to my request"

I am also keeping all my to-do's on a list. Not because I will forget what needs to be done, but that I can stop thinking about them once I know they are safely written down where they can be checked off when done. If I am not careful, I can spend the whole morning trying to get chores done, then nap time, then boys are home and then bedtime. Before I know it, I haven't spent any meaningful time with children. So I am making goals and including them into my to-do's. Today, along with my laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, and more, I included reading, praying, playing with blocks, ABC mouse and such. A lot more got done this morning by being purposeful like that.

I don't want to be Martha, running around with this harried look. I want to be Mary and chose the better part. Because my purpose is not simply to be a housekeeper, my vocation is to be a mom. Hardest job in the world. Not nearly enough hours to get it done. This is my mission field and I pray that I use every ounce of talent and strength I have along with the grace and strength of my Savior to do the best job I can at it.

High Five medals

I had been looking at ways to be more proactive instead of reactive to go along with the Seven habits. It's is way too easy with five kids and all the cooking, cleaning and grooming that go along with them to just focus on what didn't get done.

I had tried an allowance in the past but found myself still nagging them to check off their list of activities and chores. I wasn't going to pay them for work produced by nagging so we discontinued allowances until they had matured a bit.

At school, they use Mustang Medals to reward good behavior. Mustang is their mascot. They have a little store full of little toys, dvds and such that have been donated. Every once in a while, they go to the store and spend their medals which are just pieces of paper about the size of a business card.

I decided to create our own system for home that is similar. I decided to call them High Five Medals. I got on the computer and created them in a few minutes. Here is what I came up with.

High Five Medal

(you've been caught doing good)

Way to go!

I wanted to put them on a business card template but couldn't find it in Open Office. So I just made columns and separated them with one line space. I cut them out and put them in a jar.

I introduced it to the boys. They were already familiar with them so it was a brief explanation.

One chore = one medal (They already have their assigned list of chores which is just picking up and putting away in three rooms each plus their bedroom)

Extra medals will be given for exceptional work, quick completions (no dilly-dallying) and good attitude.

Medals will also be given for acts of kindness and help with siblings like giving the baby his pacifier while I am fixing a bottle or finishing up a quick chore of my own or giving the toddler his blanket when he decides to scream or playing for 20 minutes with them. However, they shouldn't expect a medal for every single instance. Sometimes you do things for family just because and I don't want them having a self-centered view of service.

High Five Medals are the new household currency and should be treated as cash. If lost, they will not be replaced. Hoping to teach some necessity of organization and responsibility.

One piece of Halloween candy or 10 minutes of computer/Ipad/tablet time for each medal.

10 medals can get them an Itunes song or app up to $1.29 with a limit of one a week.

15 medals can get a Redbox rental.
25 medals can get them an outing to Ryans buffet with Dad. Mom doesn't want to go because I threw up Ryans shortly into my last pregnancy and I may never want to eat there again.

When we find things they want at Dirt Cheap, thrift store or wherever, I will put what we purchase in a make-shift store and assign a price to it. No more buying them stuff just because which I am terribly guilty of and can result in occasional bratty behavior.

My oldest really wants the Hot Wheels Car Maker. So I told him that he could save up 100 medals for that. But then he also wanted the track and extra wax. So it is a total of 205 medals to get all he wanted. He asked what would happen if we ran out of medals. I told him that I could print more or we could create a Harrill Bank. He then went to mapping out deposits and withdrawals. Making goals! Very cool!


I posted recently about a book about kids begging for chores. It literally happened. On Sunday, James asked to do his chores as well as his brother's chores. As long as he got his done first, that was fine by me. Davy was busy with an origami binge so he didn't care. One day, Davy went the whole day without getting on the Ipad or computer so that he could save for the Hot Wheels Car maker. That took a major amount of self-discipline.


I'm figuring out that I need to keep things interesting and upbeat in regards to getting things done around the house. These High Five Medals provide a platform for endless tweaks in earning and spending. It will teach economics. It will be personally motivating for each depending on what reward they desire. Could even use it for charitable donations that they could earn during Advent or Lent. Lots of options to keep us from getting in the drudgery rut of daily chores.

Treat tins for Christmas gifts

I love upcycling! Taking something that normally would go in the trash and making something useful and beautiful with it. I really enjoy making little happies for Christmas gifts. It may be more enjoyable for me than the recipients but my family humors me. 

This year, I want to focus on giving more to others outside my flesh and blood. I've started that a little by offering fresh-baked banana bread or Halloween candy to Charter repairmen that have had to come to my house way too often. I also have the opportunity with teachers and staff at the boys' school. If I can, I hope to take the kids to offer treats to public service individuals like fireman, policeman and such. 

I've saved all the formula cans since Joseph was born. (Yes, I know breastfeeding is best but I've not had much luck with it) I took off the label and decoupaged scrapbooking paper onto the can and lid. It's a little difficult dealing with the curves and circles. I can't say that I have mastered getting all the bubbles out from under the paper but I have quite a few more to do and practice makes perfect. I can now take treats like cookies or fudge and place them into a ziploc or treat bag. The bag can then go in these cute tins and delivered to whomever we choose to spread the Christmas cheer.

All Saints Day

We read from Once upon a time saints.  It is one of the greatest gifts of becoming Catholic. I wouldn't be catholic if they were a bunch of demigods. Instead,  each saint has their own expression of what it means to follow Christ. Some did it as royalty, others in poverty. Some served the poor. Some educated. Some preached. Some devoted their lives to prayer. Such a vast rich cloud of witnesses!

We really enjoy studying the saints. It made a huge difference in dealing with my stepfather's death. The children were sad and shocked but they had a greater understanding of eternal life. Death is not the end.


Here is a small excerpt.

For today is the day
The first of November
To celebrate saints
You may not remember
The big ones you know
They stand quite tall
Like Francis and Vincent
And Peter and Paul

So take some time to learn about some of the lesser known saints. It may just give you an entirely different outlook..

How to get your kids begging for chores - Free Ebook

This is a really cool book with lots of inspiration to take the drudgery out of chore time. I got a lot of ideas for how to add some fun into our days and still get the necessities done. Normally 14.95 but free right now.

Born to Win - FREE Ebook

 I had heard a few quotes by Zig Ziglar on the Dave Ramsey show and Facebook but I had not read any of thirty or so books. So I was curious when I saw this book for free on Amazon.

 I read it all in one day. I am a speed reader but it would be a quick read for most. It seems to condense his forty years of motivational speaking into an easy-to-use format. I really love the visuals he gives to help in goal setting.

 I love the permission to redo goals every six months. I don't have to figure it all out today. I can add more goals and tweak the approach to other goals that I couldn't accomplish.

 This works well for someone who finds it so easy to get caught up in hyperfocus. I can be a great cook, housekeeper, creative artist, wife and mom but not always at the same time. Ziglar's approach gives me a way to visually see where my life is out of balance and allows for goal setting and follow through to correct it.

 This ties in so well with the seven habits so I am going to work on a tweaked wheel for the boys. Davy has goal setting assignments anyhow. This will help them also see visually where they can be more balanced. There is also a workbook at the end of the ebook for help in goal setting.

All Hallow's Eve

We have missed all the Halloween festivities due to homework or illness this year. We're all battling a cold so there may not even be trick-or-treating or trick-or-treaters as I really don't suppose the parents would appreciate us handing our cold germs with the mini candy bars.

It's not my favorite holiday but I have enjoyed Halloweens of the past. I remember trick or treating on a road in rural Mississippi where most everyone on the road was kinfolk. I remember an older cousin showing up on the roof with a shovel in his hand and scaring us when we arrived at his door. I remember a great uncle that was dressed in a dog costume and laid perfectly still. Once we were convinced that it must be a stuffed decoration, he jumped up and scared us. A couple years ago, I coordinated a Scooby Doo theme with the kids. With my kids, niece and nephews, we had Fred, Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby and Scrappy. I was pregnant with my daughter who we determined would be Velma. But we joked that if she turned out to be a boy, then my nephew would have to be Velma's character and we would call him Vernon. We decorated our van with flowers and wrote The Mystery Machine. It was so much fun. I may never top it.

There are several posts circulating on Facebook about Halloween. I like this one from Trouble Face Mom. I do agree that we separate ourselves so much from the world that we fail to have an influence on our culture. I decided to do some research and learned quite a bit about the origins of Halloween.

The Catholic Church took the message of Jesus to the pagans. Thank goodness that they did because those are my ancestors. Without the missionary efforts of the church, I wouldn't have had the privilege of growing up in a Christian family.

There was an effort to Christianize the pagan customs. They celebrated a fall festival called Samhain in Gaelic culture. During this time, they believed that the dead could come back to the living. The Christians showed that we also believed from an ancient Jewish belief that we also can connect with those who had died through our prayers. All Saints Day was celebrated in May during the celebration of Easter. It was moved to November 1st so that they could honor the dead in a way that pointed to Christ by celebrating those that had given their lives for their belief in Christ.

I did quite a bit of reading and learned the origins of the Jack o'lantern. Fascinating story that shows the power of the cross. The origin of bats may have been from the bonfires of Samhain that attracted insects which offered bats a meal. Halloween History had some interesting tidbits like sugar-rationing ending trick-or-treating for a period of time. American Catholic contains several articles about how to bring back Halloween to its Christian roots.

So here are my thoughts.

If you are trying to Christianize Halloween, you are many centuries too late. It is a Christian holiday as the eve of two feasts, All Saints Day (Nov 1) and All Souls Day (Nov 2). By changing it to a fall festival or harvest festival, you are getting closer to Samhain rather than All Hallow's Eve. Hallow means holy.

Now if a fall festival is a safer place to celebrate, by all means do so. But I agree with Trouble Face Mom that we miss out on an opportunity to be a light in our neighborhoods.

But the biggest problem that I see is that we throw around judgments of evil where it doesn't exist so much that we fail to see evil when it's right in front of our face.

Children dressing up in costumes is not evil! It happens on a weekly if not daily basis in my house.

Sharing candy with your neighbors is not evil! It may have its roots in sharing food with the poor which is right in line with Jesus' solidarity with the poor. It is called Beggars night in some places and times.

Acknowledging the dead is not evil. Many have died for the sake of Christ's name. We should never forget that. So skulls and skeletons are not evil.

Celebrating the harvest is not evil. As long as we acknowledge where those blessings come from.

What is evil? Here is what the Catechism tells us.

"All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to "unveil" the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone." (Catechism, #2116)

And lastly, we need to remember that we have nothing to fear. The devil is not equal and opposite of God. He is a created being and he has been defeated. We should use this opportunity to explain to our children why we should avoid witches, demons and such since they would glorify Satan. And share why we avoid the things of the occult that draw us away from Christ and into Satan's oldest ploy by promising that we can be like gods.

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31