Affirmations

A few months ago, I went home to Mississippi for my step-father's funeral. My family stayed with my grandmother and I was telling her about our suspicions of dyslexia in our second child. I was telling her about the reading specialist that I had spoken to and what steps we were taking to address the concerns. She told me how glad she was that I was able to homeschool them and spend the needed time to help them learn well. I'm not sure that she was always whole-hearted supporter of the homeschooling idea in our extended family so it meant a lot to me that she was affirming our decision.

 Shortly after, we decided that I didn't have the ability to take on homemaking, five kids and homeschooling. So when I saw her again at my son's birthday party, I was updating her on how neat their school was and how well the boys were doing. She beamed and told me what a great decision I had made and how homeschooling really was a huge task to take on with five kids. At first, I wondered what decision she thought was better. But then I realized that it didn't matter. She was affirming ME, her granddaughter and not my decisions. My decisions are mine. She didn't need to use them to tear me down. Whatever I chose, she could be an encouragement in this hard job of motherhood.

Affirmers are rare and I am lucky to have one. People mean well but they often whether meaning to or not, tear down a person with their efforts to set-them-straight. I think many of us have the scars of someone who allowed our decisions to build a wall between us. Those negative voices in our head can go on for years.

So do I affirm my children enough? Probably not. Since having my fifth child, I am figuring out that motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Frankly, I have no clue how people do it without faith. You have to have strength from something bigger than yourself to take on this job. I have six things going on in my head all the time that need to be done right away. And then when those things are done, there are six more to be done. It gives me that hamster-in-a-wheel feeling because I work hard each day and it's all to be done again in a few hours.

It can be quite depressing but then again, I have a purpose for every single day. A great purpose! To raise these beautiful children to love God and show Him to the world through their words and deeds. But still with all the to-do's in my head, I am afraid that I spend more time issuing instructions (Do your homework, Get a snack, Drink your water, Do your chores, Find your shoes, Did you remember to do _____?) rather than affirming who they are.

With our system of High Five medals, it's giving me the opportunity to think more about affirmations. One day, James got 16 High Five medals. That was 16 times to say, "You did good!" I am trying to be very specific in how I affirm them.

"That was very thoughtful of you to take out the trash."

"You were such a great brother to tend to your sibling."

"I appreciate how quickly you responded to my request"

I am also keeping all my to-do's on a list. Not because I will forget what needs to be done, but that I can stop thinking about them once I know they are safely written down where they can be checked off when done. If I am not careful, I can spend the whole morning trying to get chores done, then nap time, then boys are home and then bedtime. Before I know it, I haven't spent any meaningful time with children. So I am making goals and including them into my to-do's. Today, along with my laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, and more, I included reading, praying, playing with blocks, ABC mouse and such. A lot more got done this morning by being purposeful like that.

I don't want to be Martha, running around with this harried look. I want to be Mary and chose the better part. Because my purpose is not simply to be a housekeeper, my vocation is to be a mom. Hardest job in the world. Not nearly enough hours to get it done. This is my mission field and I pray that I use every ounce of talent and strength I have along with the grace and strength of my Savior to do the best job I can at it.