It has been a busy time with a new baby, new school and such. Several months had passed since attending confession so Friday night, I asked my husband if he could meet us at church after work Saturday. Saturday morning, I gave the older boys an examination of conscience to read and pray about what sins they needed to confess. I did the same in preparation for confession before Saturday evening Mass.
My mom thinks confession is an unchanging event where we confess but don't change our ways. As if confession is easy. It is hard even behind a curtain to say out loud, "I messed up!" It is so much easier to say, "Father, forgive me where I have failed you" and never officially calling that sin out by name. And therefore continuing to struggle. Calling out sins specifically by name and frequency is powerfully effective.
We don't leave the reconciliation room with a clear conscience and license to abuse the grace we have been given. We leave filled with grace to avoid those snares of the devil and thanksgiving that Christ has forgiven us when we have chosen to really look at how undeserving we truly are.
My oldest, Davy, claimed he had nothing in need of confession. I reminded him that we all sin and if nothing else, his lack of attention and participation in Mass would be something to talk about. After realizing the previous Sunday that the oldest misbehaved in Mass more than the younger four, he was warned that he would lose privileges if he didn't straighten up. But he didn't confess that. He decided to keep it short and sweet and just confess that he wasn't listening to his parents at times. During the mass that followed, he played with his shoe and his glasses and his reflection in the window. On the way home, I let him know he was grounded and how important it was to confess the sins we struggle with so we have the grace to resist the temptation.
I love the reminder that we all need to confess sin. I am a busy mom. I really don't have time to get into too much trouble. But I am amazed at the beginning of Mass when we are asked to bring to mind our sins and failings, the Holy Spirit prompts a pouring out of prayer from my soul of whatever I haven't done right or with all my might the previous week. It is sometimes quite a revelation what has harmed my soul through my thought and deeds or lack of.
One confession I had was that I wanted to not be so impatient and reactive to my kids. It is so hard to bite your tongue when you have said something over and over again and it seems like you might as well have been talking to a wall. Sunday morning, I heard Davy doing something he shouldn't. It was carelessness typical of boys but I was playing over in my head how many times I had told him to stop doing it and logically explained the why behind it. I was getting ready to ask him, "Why, oh why do you not listen to me? Why do you continue until I am all out of options except but to punish you?"
But I stopped. Later, I took the time again to have him practice how to do it properly when I was not gearing up for a rant. That is the grace of God. There is nothing different about me. In my mind, I was justified in extending his punishment since he had refused to listen. But something divine took over and allowed me to show the mercy that I have received from my Heavenly Father.
That is why I go to and believe in the power of reconciliation. I want to be a mother empowered by the grace of God.
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